"Personal Experiences in Discipline.--I never allowed my children to think that they could plague me in their childhood. I also brought up in my family others from other families, but I never allowed those children to think that they could plague their mother. Never did I allow myself to say a harsh word or to become impatient or fretful over the children. They never got the better of me once--not once, to provoke me to anger. When my spirit was stirred, or when I felt anything like being provoked, I would say, "Children, we shall let this rest now; we shall not say anything more about it now. Before we retire, we shall talk it over." Having all this time to reflect, by evening they had cooled off, and I could handle them very nicely. . . . {CG 253.4}
There is a right way, and there is a wrong way. I never lifted a hand to my children, before I talked with them; and if they broke down, and if they saw their mistake (and they always did when I brought it before them and prayed with them), and if they were subdued (and they always were when I did this), then I had them under my control. I never found them otherwise. When I prayed with them, they would break all to pieces, and they would throw their arms around my neck and cry. . . . {CG 254.1}
I never allowed, in correcting my children, even my voice to be changed in any way. When I saw something wrong, I waited until the "heat" was over, and then I would take them after they had had a chance for reflection and were ashamed. They would get ashamed, if I gave them an hour or two to think of these things. I always went away and prayed. I would not speak to them then. {CG 254.2}
After they had been left to themselves for a while, they would come to me about it. "Well," I would say, "we will wait until evening." At that time we would have a season of prayer, and then I would tell them that they hurt their own souls and grieved the Spirit of God by their wrong course of action. {CG 254.3}
Take Time for Prayer.--When I have felt roiled and was tempted to speak words that I would be ashamed of, I would keep silent and pass right out of the room and ask God to give me patience to teach these children. Then I could go back and talk with them, and tell them they must not do this wrong again. We can take such a position in this matter that we shall not provoke the children to wrath. We should speak kindly and patiently, remembering all the time how wayward we are and how we want to be treated by our heavenly Father. {CG 254.4}
Now these are the lessons that parents must learn, and when you have learned these, you will be the very best students in the school of Christ, and your children will be the very best children. In this way you can teach them to have respect for God and to keep His law, because you will have excellent government over them, and in doing this you are bringing up into society children who will be a blessing to all around them. You are fitting them to be laborers together with God. {CG 255.1}
Probably that's why she wrote these things out. In turning the hearts in Malachi that speaks of God's work in the last era before He closes the Book of Life to new entries, a work of parenting is seen after God's order of things.
Malachi 4:
4 ¶ Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, with the statutes and judgments. 5 Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: 6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.
"which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel" God's transcript of character for Literal & Spiritual Israel the overcomers till the Gospel of mercy righteousness and judgment, is no longer needed ................................. a work of parenting and marriage ......revival reformation of how family life is governed after Heaven's order of things.
What fulfills the spirit or intent and nature of God's law ? Agape, Agapous, Philio, compassion, mercy .....etc
What fulfills the letter of the law .......the specifics of HOW love is to operate, righteousness, truth, learning God's ways even RE home life, and walking in them, living by every word that proceeds from God's mouth.
Romans 13:8 ; Romans 13:10; Galatians 5:14 ; James 2:8; John 14:15 ; Revelation 14:12
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Copying from Sacramento Central SDA Church Sabbath School Notes :
The Ten Commandments: A Transcript of God's Character
God is JUST - Romans 3:26. His law is JUST - Romans 7:12.
God is TRUE - John 3:33. His law is TRUE - Nehemiah 9:13.
God is PURE - 1 John 3:3. His law is PURE - Psalm 19:7,8.
God is LIGHT - 1 John 1:5. His law is LIGHT - Proverbs 6:23.
God is FAITHFUL - 1 Corinthians 1:9. His law is FAITHFUL - Psalms 119:86.
God is GOOD - Nahum 1:7. His law is GOOD - Romans 7:12,16.
God is SPIRITUAL - John 4:24. His law is SPIRITUAL - Romans 7:14.
God is HOLY - Isaiah 6:3, 1 Peter 1:15. His law is HOLY - Exodus 20:8, Romans 7:12.
God is TRUTH - John 14:6. His law is TRUTH - Psalms 119:142,151.
God is LIFE - John 14:6. His law is LIFE - Matthew 19:17.
God is RIGHTEOUSNESS - Jeremiah 23:6. His law is RIGHTEOUSNESS- Psalm 119:172.
God is PERFECT - Matthew 5:48. His law is PERFECT - James 1:25.
God is ETERNAL - John 8:35. His law is ETERNAL - Psalms 111:7,8.
God is PEACE - Isaiah 9:6. His law is PEACE - Psalm 119:165.
God is THE WAY - John 14:6 His law is THE WAY - Psalm 119:30-32
God is SURE - 2 Timothy 2:19 His law is SURE - Psalm 19:7, 111:7,8
God is UNCHANGING - Malachi 3:6 His law is UNCHANGING - Psalm 111:7,8
God is SWEET - Psalm 34:8 His law is SWEET - Psalm 19:10, 119:103
God is WISE - Psalm 111:10 His law is WISE - Psalm 19:7
God is OUR MEDITATION - Psalm 63:6 His law is OUR MEDITATION - Psalm 1:2
God is JUDGE - Psalm 50:6 His law is JUDGE - James 2:12
God is ENLIGHTENMENT - Psalm 18:27 His law is ENLIGHTENMENT - Psalm 19:8
God is LOVE - 1 John 4:7,8 His law is LOVE - Romans 13:8-10
God is CLEAN - Psalm 19:9 His law is CLEAN - Ezekiel 22:26
God is BLESSED - Psalm 28:6 His law is BLESSED - Exodus 20:11
God is DELIGHT - Psalm 37:4 His law is DELIGHT - Psalm 1:2
God is WONDERFUL - Isaiah 9:6 His law is WONDERFUL - Psalm 119:18
God is LIBERTY - Isaiah 61:1 His law is LIBERTY-James 1:25, Psalm 119:45
God is COMFORT - Psalm 23:4 His law is COMFORT - Psalm 119:50
God is OUR SONG - Revelation 15:3 His law is OUR SONG - Psalm 119:54
God is MERCIFUL - Exodus 34:5 His law is MERCIFUL - Psalm 119:58
God is KNOWLEDGE - Isaiah 11:2 His law is KNOWLEDGE - Psalm 119:66
God is HOPE - Psalm 130:7 His law is HOPE - Psalm 119:74
God is LIFE - Psalm 36:9 His law is LIFE - Proverbs 3:1,2
God is SOUND - Proverbs 8:13,14 His law is SOUND - Psalm 119:80
God is UNDERSTANDING - Psalm 147:5 His law is UNDERSTANDING - Psalm 119:99
God is HAPPINESS - Psalm 146:5 His law is HAPPINESS - Proverbs 29:18
God is JOY - Psalm 16:11 His law is JOY - Psalm 119:162
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God taught EGW how to seek for, and obtain measures of, and live those things as gifts from Himself to her, and raise her family in the spirit and letter of those things.
Matthew 6:10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. John 17:26 And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them.
That's how she sought to raise those kids, herself first hand abiding in those things and parenting after that manner and leading, teaching, putting those things to use with her kids. Explicitly written out for us to read and get God's strength made perfect in weakness to do, and copy through Jesus directing us and our homes.
The first lesson that children are to be taught is the lesson of obedience. When they have learned to obey their parents, it will not be hard for them to obey God. Obedience becomes a part of their nature. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 4}
But before parents can teach their children obedience, they must learn the lesson themselves by obedience to God. How can they discipline their children aright till they learn the meaning and the value of self-discipline? How can they lead their children up the difficult heights of self-control, self-denial, patience, and truthfulness, unless they first climb these heights themselves? {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 5}
A parent gives way to temper before the child, and then wonders why the child is so difficult to control. But what could he expect? Children are quick to imitate; and the child is but putting into practice the lessons taught him by his parents in their outbursts of anger. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 6}
Too often parents follow a course that develops evil in the child. Harsh and severe, they drive him to rebellion. Then they wonder why he has traits of character that are so unlovely, when they try so hard to break his stubborn will. It is in trying to break his will that they make their mistake. The child's will is to be trained, bent, not broken. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 7}
Disobedience and rebellion must be punished; but remember that the punishment is to be given in the spirit of Christ. Require obedience, never with a storm of angry words, but firmly and kindly. And when called upon to discipline your child, remember your own relation to your Heavenly Father. Have you walked perfectly before him? Are you not wayward and disobedient? Do you not grieve him continually? But does he deal with you in anger? Remember, too, that it is from you that your children have received their tendencies to wrong. Remember how often you act like grown-up children. In spite of your years of Christian experience, in spite of your many opportunities for self-discipline, how easily you are provoked to anger. Deal gently, then, with your children, remembering that they have not had the opportunities you have had to gain self-control. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 8}
You may have to punish your child with the rod. This is sometimes essential. But never, never strike him in anger. To correct him thus is to make two wrongs in trying to cure one. Defer the punishment till you have talked with yourself and with God. Ask yourself, Have I submitted my will to God's will? Am I standing where he can control me? Ask God to forgive you for transmitting to your child a disposition so difficult to manage. Ask him to give you wisdom, that you may deal with your wayward child in a way that will draw him nearer to you and to his Heavenly Father. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 9}
Be Christlike in the Home
Love breaks down all barriers. Let there be no scolding, no loud-voiced, angry commands. Obey the injunction, "Be still, and know that I am God." The Lord will give rich blessings to those parents who make diligent efforts to rule the spirit. The grace of Christ softens harsh traits of character and smooths out the rugged disposition. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 10}
Those who govern by force have far less influence than those who govern by love. Harshness hardens the heart and braces the will to resistance. Gentleness softens the heart and subdues the most stubborn will. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 11}
To every parent God says, "Take heed unto thyself," -- thyself, father; thyself, mother. Before you can do your children justice, you must surrender yourselves to God's training. You must be filled with high motives and noble aspirations. Each day you must endeavor to make yourself more worthy of your trust. Then God will co-operate with you. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 12}
The family firm should be well organized. Together the father and mother should consider their responsibilities. Together they should work for the highest good of their children. There is to be no variance between them. Never should they in the presence of their children criticise each other's plans or question each other's judgment. If the wife is inexperienced, she should try to find out where her work makes the work of her husband more difficult, as he labors for the salvation of the children. And the husband should hold up the hands of his wife, giving her wise counsel and loving encouragement. {RH, July 8, 1902 par. 13}
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